It's time to revamp this place and by revamp, I mean here's a new quote:
Hi to all the New Kids On The Block fans, I wanted to clarify since my first post this morning regarding the NKOTB reunion. I loved being a part of the group, and have always thought "maybe someday we'll get back together" – you just never know when your someday will come. I can guarantee all the fans that if this reunion were to happen, they would hear about it first on www.NKOTB.com.
Fuck you Danny Wood. You were always the ugly one anyway. Joey Joe would never say something like that. He loved me and we were gonna get married!
I think it's time to revive things around here, so this is part one in a five-step analysis of the title track of the New Kid's third album, Step By Step.
As we all know, there are five steps discussed. The first one?
We can have lots of fun
So, what does this mean? What kind of fun? Like, playing monopoly? Jump rope? Or something a bit more risque... hmm... makes you think, huh?
Todays brilliant piece of lyrical goodness comes from a lesser-known song off of the Hangin' Tough album of 1988. This song was performed by the young Joey McIntyre. By my best mathmatical estimate, he was 14-15 when the song was recorded. We also must remember that NKOTB was marketed as an innocent, pure group of clean-cut young boys to the under-13 crowd. But these lyrics, while mostly cute and sweet, tell us a bit more about young Joey.
I remember favorite songs we heard all night long in the candlelight
Still shines so brightly.
So, you mean to tell me that 14 year old Joey was doing who knows what all night long in the candlelight? That doesn't sound so clean-cut to me. If our mom's knew we were listening to songs about 14-year olds having sex, would they have taken us so willingly to their concerts?
Little girl, whenever Im around you, all in love is fair, girl.
WAIT! Stop the presses, he's 14, and is singing about a little girl. What defines little when you are 14? Ten or 11? He was having sex with an 11 year old? *gasp*
Today I would like to turn your attention to the valuable side of life. New Kids on the Block didn't just teach you about love and acceptance, they taught you about love and acceptance of the same sex even when they're crack whores. Yeah, I hate to break it to you guys but NKOTB was gay, as evidenced in today's lyrics.
Yo, yo, why you wanna act like a tramp, a wet food stamp,
I think it's time for me to break camp
You know, your local grocery story will still accept food stamps even if they're wet just like we accepted you when you were all washed up! But more importantly:
Had a crush on my man the first time we met.
Now what you see is what you get
IT'S A MAN, BABY!
Lesson Learned: Don't spend your food stamps on cheap transvestites. Jordan Knight is worth more than that!
Did you know how sexually perverse some New Kids on the Block lyrics were? For real? An example, from their last failed attempt at making "music" a song called "You Got the Flava"
Backseat in the jeep and then I went for mine
Gotta go low, real low, nice and slow
Can't miss one color on the rainbow
Don't front, girl, you know what is about
Take your chance, turn my taste buds out
Is.... what I'm reading, about cunnilingus? *gasp*
The New Kids were NAUGHTY.
You walked into my life, your love was so new
Thank you Captain Obvious! But it goes on to say...
And nothing will ever change my feelings for you
Wow. Just wow.
So I never met you before and now I am so head over heels in love with you? What isn't to say that isn't the case of stalking.
So the valuable lesson learned from this post:
If it's okay for the New Kids, it's okay for YOU!